I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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