You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
