You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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