I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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