My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
