just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
