I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I did not marry a roomba.
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