I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
