Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
