I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
