apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
im on a boat
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