when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
