I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
