i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
