i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
