You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
