cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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