you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize