You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
