did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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