As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
