At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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