Dual....:-)
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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