Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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