We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
