Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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