I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
