just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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