my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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