It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
