the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
