I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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