YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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