Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
