I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
