i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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