He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
