i barfeds in our rink
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
