Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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