i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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