I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
