i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
