I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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