I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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