Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
