I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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