Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
