why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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