I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
