When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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