I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
