I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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