Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
