rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
