I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
