the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
