I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
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An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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