What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am mentally ready for anal.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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