So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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