and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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