In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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