just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
